Michelle’s Very Personal Blog

Well as you may already know, I’m all about respecting human beings.

While I may get angry very easily because I often come across disrespectful or unintelligent people & I will admit they do trigger me, by & large I respect people until they give me a reason not to.

While this didn’t always happen to me in the past when I was in contact with new people from dating sites, I’ve noticed that in the last 3 years, people have been increasingly very rude.

I’m not talking about all the ones who are crude, sex starved maniacs, I’m talking about the ones who are “pretenders” in “sheep’s clothing”.

Here has been my experience:

1. They lie saying that sure they are looking for new friends & this is even after I ask a 2nd time in an e-mail, because I state upfront in my dating profile that I wish to just become friends first with NO expectations, so, they have been asked or read what I’m seeking twice now.

   Then at some point after an e-mail or two, or a phone conversation or two I tell them I don’t feel we are compatible as intimate partners, maybe only as friends, & they disappear.

   Mainstream society argues that I should know better. That men can NEVER just be friends with a woman.

   I feel this is bullshit! Some men can, some men can’t. If he can’t, he should say so upfront instead of wasting my time.

   Because YES, it hurts when I start to get to know a person & want to continue developing the friendship only to have them disappear. It makes me feel used, like I’m good for sex, but not good enough to be their friend.

   Amazingly enough, most of these men (and sometimes couples) are not very good at lying. By the time they come up with their excuse as to why they don’t want to talk to me anymore, it clearly sounds like they wanted to be more than just friends.

   Like the guy who stated I lived too far away even though I live in Brampton & he lives in the Beaches (an area in the downtown area of Toronto). We are talking an hour drive, maybe a bit longer.

   Who is he kidding, if he just wanted to be friends, he wouldn’t have cared that much & the arrogance & laziness that the person should like right around the corner from him when he never stated that before astounded me.

   We could have continued talking on the phone & met once every 2-4 weeks. That would have been fine for me, but clearly he had other plans & he led me to believe he was getting to know me only as a friend.

2. Then there’s the ones who talk to me on the phone, lead me to believe they will keep in touch, or go so far as to say they wish to meet, & then they disappear.

   Sure, you can say that men have been doing this forever, they take a woman out on a date & then never call her again & if you think this is positive respectful communication, or a positive way to treat someone, that’s your choice to think this way.

   For me it’s a WASTE of my precious time.

   I have better things to do than be on the phone with someone for 4 hours only to be told I’m amazing & let me take you for dinner, only to not hear from the guy again & when I reach out to contact him, he ignores me.

   Ignoring is a very negative form of passive aggression.

   It says to the other person “I’m in control & I choose whether I wish to reciprocate the overture, & you have no choice or say in the matter.”

   While I totally agree that everyone has to make their own choices in life & no one can tell them what to do, what I don’t agree with, is that person ignoring the other person & not being open & honest right upfront.

So, what I’ve decided to do is this.

Every person who contacts me who isn’t open & honest & tells me they no longer wish to talk, will get put on this blog.

If they are too scared to continue the friendship to see where it will go, that’s fine, fear based people seem to be a dime a dozen out there, but I won’t put up with people wasting my time.

Time I could have spent with my son, by myself, working, learning, growing.

I’m not here to force anyone to be with me if they don’t want to be, but I ALWAYS tell people when I’m not interested. I even tell them why because it’s my duty to be open & honest. That’s respect.

This is part of being a healthy person, not lying, playing games or running away, but rather stating how you feel.

While I may not be the most diplomatic person in the world, I never try to hurt anyone, & ignoring & lying to me is WAY worse than being open & telling the truth.

Maybe someone can learn from what I have said.

Unfortunately even the people who say they love my honesty still act in one of the two ways above, so I’ve learned that even though people “claim” they like honesty, most of them are once again just lying.

If I feel the person lied about wanting to start off as friends with no expectations, then yes, I will out then here because once again, my emotions & time are important to me.

People who lead people on should be outed so others can be forewarned. Then if they still want to connect with them, that’s their choice.

Thank you for listening.

Michelle