While I don’t log into my Lava Life account every day now, a week can go by, & I’ll decide to go in.

I’m now up to 200+ blocked males & a handful of couples.

So far not one of them has read my ad & given me my simple keywords “I want to see if we are compatible as friends.”

This last one was a winner LOL…

“OK just trying to be polite!
I’m sorry that I didn’t phrase “I’d love to meet you sometime and see if we click” as “I want to see if we are compatible as friends” but I believe in free speech. That is part of the human imagination and a fundamental part of our being. I guess we’re not compatible if you don’t believe in free speech! ”

LOL, free speach??? What does reading & following simple requests have to do with FREE SPEECH?

Hmm, Mr. Green Eyed Soul (that’s his handle) isn’t a very smart person.

I shouldn’t have responded to his e-mail. My mistake.

So Lava Life is THE winner for THE most moronic males on ANY dating site.

Even Mate1 has given me maybe 3-5 men & one woman who have given me my simple sentence.

And the staff at Lava Life are soooo smart, when I asked how to turn off their IMing feature since I know they used to have that before, they said you can’t, just tell them in your ad you don’t want to IM.

LMAO, THEY DON’T READ, and THEY DON’T CARE.

Just goes to show you, that dating sites don’t care about the matches, all they care about is the MONEY, and while I’m all for making money and TONS of it, I care that my clients get quality.

While I may get angry very easily because I often come across disrespectful or unintelligent people & I will admit they do trigger me, by & large I respect people until they give me a reason not to.

While this didn’t always happen to me in the past when I was in contact with new people from dating sites, I’ve noticed that in the last 3 years, people have been increasingly very rude.

I’m not talking about all the ones who are crude, sex starved maniacs, I’m talking about the ones who are “pretenders” in “sheep’s clothing”.

Here has been my experience:

1. They lie saying that sure they are looking for new friends & this is even after I ask a 2nd time in an e-mail, because I state upfront in my dating profile that I wish to just become friends first with NO expectations, so, they have been asked or read what I’m seeking twice now.

   Then at some point after an e-mail or two, or a phone conversation or two I tell them I don’t feel we are compatible as intimate partners, maybe only as friends, & they disappear.

   Mainstream society argues that I should know better. That men can NEVER just be friends with a woman.

   I feel this is bullshit! Some men can, some men can’t. If he can’t, he should say so upfront instead of wasting my time.

   Because YES, it hurts when I start to get to know a person & want to continue developing the friendship only to have them disappear. It makes me feel used, like I’m good for sex, but not good enough to be their friend.

   Amazingly enough, most of these men (and sometimes couples) are not very good at lying. By the time they come up with their excuse as to why they don’t want to talk to me anymore, it clearly sounds like they wanted to be more than just friends.

   Like the guy who stated I lived too far away even though I live in Brampton & he lives in the Beaches (an area in the downtown area of Toronto). We are talking an hour drive, maybe a bit longer.

   Who is he kidding, if he just wanted to be friends, he wouldn’t have cared that much & the arrogance & laziness that the person should like right around the corner from him when he never stated that before astounded me.

   We could have continued talking on the phone & met once every 2-4 weeks. That would have been fine for me, but clearly he had other plans & he led me to believe he was getting to know me only as a friend.

2. Then there’s the ones who talk to me on the phone, lead me to believe they will keep in touch, or go so far as to say they wish to meet, & then they disappear.

   Sure, you can say that men have been doing this forever, they take a woman out on a date & then never call her again & if you think this is positive respectful communication, or a positive way to treat someone, that’s your choice to think this way.

   For me it’s a WASTE of my precious time.

   I have better things to do than be on the phone with someone for 4 hours only to be told I’m amazing & let me take you for dinner, only to not hear from the guy again & when I reach out to contact him, he ignores me.

   Ignoring is a very negative form of passive aggression.

   It says to the other person “I’m in control & I choose whether I wish to reciprocate the overture, & you have no choice or say in the matter.”

   While I totally agree that everyone has to make their own choices in life & no one can tell them what to do, what I don’t agree with, is that person ignoring the other person & not being open & honest right upfront.

So, what I’ve decided to do is this.

Every person who contacts me who isn’t open & honest & tells me they no longer wish to talk, will get put on this blog.

If they are too scared to continue the friendship to see where it will go, that’s fine, fear based people seem to be a dime a dozen out there, but I won’t put up with people wasting my time.

Time I could have spent with my son, by myself, working, learning, growing.

I’m not here to force anyone to be with me if they don’t want to be, but I ALWAYS tell people when I’m not interested. I even tell them why because it’s my duty to be open & honest. That’s respect.

This is part of being a healthy person, not lying, playing games or running away, but rather stating how you feel.

While I may not be the most diplomatic person in the world, I never try to hurt anyone, & ignoring & lying to me is WAY worse than being open & telling the truth.

Maybe someone can learn from what I have said.

Unfortunately even the people who say they love my honesty still act in one of the two ways above, so I’ve learned that even though people “claim” they like honesty, most of them are once again just lying.

If I feel the person lied about wanting to start off as friends with no expectations, then yes, I will out then here because once again, my emotions & time are important to me.

People who lead people on should be outed so others can be forewarned. Then if they still want to connect with them, that’s their choice.

Thank you for listening.

Michelle

I use dating sites to find people, then I “try” to take it to the phone within a few e-mails.

Anyone who refuses or seems to be filled with fear isn’t my type anyway.

I’ve been using this method for ages until I FINALLY gave up about a year ago in 2006 because even though I didn’t date for all those years straight, I finally had to admit it wasn’t working even though I loved dating back in 1998 since I thought it was a GREAT idea finding like minded people from all over the world.

Other things I finally realized were that almost 95% of all humans online can’t do the following:

1. Read (most read at a 6th grade level at best, and REFUSE, yes, REFUSE to read). There’s no way one can not see the text on the page, you’d have to be blind.
2. They are trollers which is the term I use for people just seeking sex or to gawk at pics
3. They don’t respect human beings, so to get them to read what I have to say in my profile would be like talking to a 2 year old.

   Even when I tell them they didn’t respect me by listening to what I had to say (that’s reading online), they are so insecure & immature, they blame me calling me names because I “supposedly missed out on the greatest person in the world & should look the other way when they screw up.”

   While everyone makes mistakes, to make them right off the bat is NOT a coincidence, it’s a pattern/trend, and for me first impressions matter until I feel comfortable with the person.

   They don’t even admit they screwed up, because these are the types of people who blame others for their actions. Once again, NOT someone I would even consider being friends with, as I learned how to take responsibility for my actions years ago.

4. A lot (not all) don’t even have their own profiles filled out which shows me they can’t articulate themselves, they don’t know who they are as a human being, and reading is probably something they never do.

   A lot of them believe that NO ONE reads profiles because they don’t, so they go ahead and believe that the pic is real, but the text isn’t. LOL, that makes common sense to me, especially when someone like me can’t even fit all she has to say into the 2,000 character max.

   Who in their right mind would take that much time to write if they weren’t telling the truth?

   Obviously not very bright men, and these guys aren’t hacks, they are professionals, some even entrepreneurs.

5. Most are sex seekers, meaning love to them is a “4 letter word”. They want NSA (no strings attached) which is sad that people think relationships are heavy burdens. It just goes to show you how many people DON’T have the first clue about how to have a relationship.

   They don’t believe in commitment, they want someone who has no issues/baggage which I find hilarious since EVERYONE has baggage & issues.

   Denying you do only means you live in denial or you don’t know yourself – another 2 issues.

   By the way, this goes for both men (if they are even worth calling men, as I feel that men are mature, secure within themselves, they respect themselves and women, I find these guys are just little boys living in mens’ grown bodies, & don’t think they are young, most were around my age or older, & I’m 42) and women, NOT just males.

   Most of these people are sexually dysfunctional. It’s clear by how they talk that they don’t respect women, or themselves.

   Most are looking just to screw, some may be looking for cyber sex something I did way way back when I first started online in 1998, but after that I wanted a REAL relationship, not to hide behind a monitor out of fear.

6. It’s almost like a meat market, BUT, I would say that going to a bar would be one notch up from dealing with a dating site like Lava Life.

   I decided to join Lava Life again after being off of there for about 5 years (I think it’s been that long).

   I put myself into all 3 categories: dating, romance, intimate.

   I put myself in the intimate section because I happen to be a very open minded woman, and the last time I tried to use the word polyamorous in the romance section of Lava Life, they wouldn’t let me post my profile saying it had to go in the intimate section.

   Polyamory is NOT about sex, but that’s a topic for another day

   Back to my experience with Lava Life, one of THE largest dating sites online, that has been in existence since around 1994 (called Web Personals at first) even though it’s changed hands a few times.

   Within 3 days (grasp the meaning of THREE), I had approximately 75-100 guys approach me (and 2 couples). Around 3-4 were from the romance section, 2 from the dating section, and the REST were from the intimate section. If I only had my profile in the other 2 sections, I would have gotten almost no responses.

   Out of the total amount of people who contacted me, ask me how many read my ad, gave me my keywords (my test to see if people read), and gave me what else I asked for, which was to explain why they felt we were compatible just as friends, as I always start off as friends with NO expectations.

   I also told them I don’t IM, I ONLY want an e-mail, as IMing is for people who are nervous types and want to get right too it. They have no patience, they are trying to fill a void right then & there, most don’t stick around long enough to even try & build anything. They are lonely, & some are desperate.

   Do you have have the answer yet???

   If you picked ZERO, you were correct.

   Even the ones who read maybe the first 3 paragraphs never made it to the bottom of the profile. That’s even the ones who e-mailed. At first I felt the need to explain why it would never work, but then after being blamed by a guy, I decided I shouldn’t even bother because most will just bash me for their own ineptness.

7. Eventually I started blocking the guys who would IM with with crude comments, or HAD to make comments about sex, my pic, etc.

   I have over 30 people in my blocked list, & I didn’t even do that right at the very beginning which means that’s an average of 10+ blocks per day.

   This is why I say a bar is much saner, because you show me 30 guys whoe will walk up to you in a bar & tell you they want to have sex with you, do you like large cocks, they love to lick all day, etc. etc.

   The guy would either be slapped, or kicked in the balls, and I’m sure some gallant guy would come come over & break up the fight punching the crude asshole to show the woman he is her knight & shining armor.

   In my view, these guys on these dating sites (Lava Life is by far the worst, & I’ve been a member of tons of dating sites) are wimps.

   They have serious sexual issues, & while you may think they are all married, THINK AGAIN.

   In fact the majority of the guys weren’t married, I’d say only 10% were.

8. Time wasters.

   I call them time wasters, because we all know they DON’T respect women or themselves, so to respect time would be a concept that is beneath them, unless they respect time when it comes to business.

   And yes, this does waste my time because whenever I get a smile or backstage from someone, I read their profile to see if we are on the same wavelength & that of course takes up my time.

   Then these guys give out smiles, some I respond back to with a smile, and do you think they ever contact me???

   Once again, you got it.

   Either they are soooo cheap they won’t initiate the conversation, or they are scared little boys who expect the woman to make the first move even though technically they made the first move by dolling out the smile.

   Then there’s the ones who send me backstage passes (an assortment of whatever pics they have compiled together) without any smile, and I’d say a good 50% or higher have nude pictures in there.

   While I have no problem with nude pictures, I do have a problem with someone ASSUMING I will be interested in seeing their fucking penis.

   Once again, even if I do give them a smile because their profile wasn’t too too bad, I get no response back, OR, I get one once again without the keywords or what I asked for.

   Just last night a guy did something quite smart, he put his MSN handle with his picture, so I decided to add him to my MSN list to compliment on his trickery, but I also wanted to know if he was cheap.

   I have to laugh at this guy (wish I kept his MSN handle to out him), the guy didn’t even know who I was. He claims my pic was soooo small (lie) that he can’t remember & that it was such a long time ago (yeh, it was 6 am in the morning & it was what, 14 hours later & he can’t even remember my pic????)

   I thought maybe someone had played a trick on him (it happens), so I asked him if this was his handle, & he confirmed it was.

   So these guys send out backstage passes to women they don’t even fucking remember!!! once again, wasting our time because they are TIME WASTERS.

So in the end, this is what I’ve had to go through for the most part on dating sites, and I’d love to hear from people (men, women or even couples) about their experiences with dating sites.

Did you find one that was better than another, or did you experience exactly what I experienced?

Do you screen the people on dating sites, or do you not care?

Please speak up, I’ve heard that dating sites aren’t working anymore, what is your experience?

Thanks & HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!! (2008)

Michelle