Michelle’s Very Personal Blog

I don’t use the word sexuality very often & here’s why.

Our society is so dysfunctional when it comes to sex, it’s just become one fuck fest after another.

A good 75% or more of men just look for sex online, not relationships or love.

Most of them think “love” is a 4 letter word.

Men & more & more women behave like animals online (actually strike that, animals seem to be much more respectful than humans do),  & think that if the relationship doesn’t go well within the first week, that’s it, run away & DUMP him/her or cheat on her.

People never look for compatibility & really analyze the person they are about to get involved with, rather they are shallow & look ONLY at the looks, & then maybe they look for things like does he make money, is she “sweet”, etc.

They jump from relationship to relationship never happy & we call them serial monogamists.

As some of you may know, I have been celibate for many years only having a relationship once since 1996 which was when I had my last relationship.

While I went through my “sex” craze on & off since I was 17, eventually I FINALLY learned that having sex with no commonality or love leaves me feeling used, empty & sad. So, I eventually stopped that.

The minute I started learning how to respect my sexuality because of my spiritual growth, that is when I stopped sleeping around.

I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it because I do happen to be a very open minded woman & for me sex was a joy, but I didn’t realize until later on that I was hurting myself by giving away my body & spiritual essence to just anyone who didn’t respect me as a human being.

This was usually because they didn’t respect themselves. You can’t respect anyone else if you FIRST don’t respect yourself & that goes for your sexuality too.

It’s still VERY unfortunate that men & society as a whole still judge women for being open sexually.

The Madonna/Whore complex really hasn’t dicipated;  if she’s a very sexual person, then she’s usually not marriage material.

Now the problem here is that over time being celibate is not healthy for the human, & that’s on all levels, physically, emotionally, spiritually, stroking, love, companionship, etc.

So I’ve been in a quandary of late on what to do because it’s starting to get to me.
I don’t want to just find a guy to sleep with because I look for so much in a person that I know that all he has to do is say one stupid thing, & I’ll get turned off. I’m a very cerebral person & nothing turns me on more than someone I can really communicate with, who gets me, listens & is very very intelligent & intuitive.

I don’t want to jump into any relationship because I haven’t found anyone compatible.

I work from home & don’t have any friends because I ran businesses from home for so many years & the only contact I had with people were my staff, so my only social outlet was the net, & if you read my previous post, you know how I feel about that.

One positive thing though is that my libido is  slowly starting to come around after being dormant for years.

I’m such a sensual person, that I had stuffed it inside because when I get turned on, that’s it, there’s no stopping me, I am a very very sexual person.

I have health problems that stifled it as well & of course stress didn’t help as it’s one of the key ingredients that stifles one’s libido.

The other night I had a really good 4 hour long conversation on the phone with a man, & after he warmed up & opened up, I was able to flirt & let off some sexual energy which is really good for the spirit.

This led to a very erotic dream that I haven’t had in a while, so all is coming along in that way.

I just have to learn to find those minority men & women (I’m biamorous) who are open minded sexually, advanced when it comes to making love, who also believe in love & committed relationships AND of course are compatible with me & vice versa.

They are soooo elusive or at least have been for me up until now that it’s been a challenge, so I call out to the Universe to bring me compatible like minded partners who value me as a human being & friend FIRST, & not a sex object.

I wish to make new platonic friends too, & this is anywhere in the world within reason because I do have to talk on the phone, I don’t believe in e-mail or IMing conversations to replace real conversations.

While I’m not into long distance relationships, I always feel that if 2 people are meant to be together & they care about relationships, they will make it happen.

Thank you